An Essay On Petty Revenge
by ContemplativeCkik
Summary: '"I need you to set me up with somebody to pretend to be my lover so we can pretend to have obnoxious loud sex and annoy the shit out of my flatmates," she said, matter-of-factly. Clearly, her plan was brilliant. "This seems kind of stupid"' Maki accidentally goes on a blind date. Results may vary. (Mainly MakiUmi. Mentions of NozoEli. NSFW almost smut)
"They're so loud. Oh my god they're so loud," Maki mumbled to herself. With the AC in the apartment on full blast she figured that she wouldn't have been able to hear them for once, but that proved to be totally incorrect. She was just trying to study for her midterms on a warm spring day without having to listen to her flatmates doing each other on the other side of an annoyingly thin wall. The creaks of their bed frame and the assortment of moans were really starting to get to her.

Nozomi and Eli were always like this; obnoxious, that is. She'd been living with them for a semester and a half in their tiny, two-bedroom, 4th story apartment in Shinjuku's 2nd Distract a block from the Tocho-Mae Station, and every day was like a different all-expenses-paid vacation to Hell. She almost considered moving out a few times, but she knew she would never survive on her own, which is why, when her father offered to pay for her to stay with the daughter of a trusted business partner in the first place, she had agreed instantly. And now she was regretting it; It was almost like they were rubbing it in her face that she was single and terribly bitter about it.

So in that moment she came to a decision. She needed to get back at them, _petty revenge_ style. 

* * *

"Honoka, I need your help," she said abruptly to the ginger sitting across from her at the food court table.

Honoka stared at her in utter confusion, thick eyebrows furrowed." _You_ need _my_ help? With what? You need me to hide a body or something?"

"No, dipshit. I'm trying to get back at my stupid gay flatmates."

"Ooooh okay," Honoka appeared to ponder for a second, before donning the confused face again. "How am I supposed to help with that?"

"I need you to set me up with somebody to pretend to be my lover so we can pretend to have obnoxious loud sex and annoy the shit out of my flatmates," she said, matter-of-factly. Clearly, her plan was brilliant.

"This seems kind of stupid, which says a lot, coming from me," Honoka mumbled into the breadstick that she was shoving into her own mouth.

"Are you gonna help me or not?" She narrowed her eyes at the older girl to try to intimidate her into cooperating, but it's a little difficult to pull that look off when you're glaring over the top of a tomato sandwich.

"Sure, I guess," she shrugged. "I know just the person too. I'll text you the details?"

Maki nodded in response.

"Also can I borrow your Chem notes? Favor for a favor?" Honoka asked, fluttering her eyelashes in a flawless display of puppy-dog eyes. Maki nodded again, but with a grumpier expression this time. 

* * *

Maki didn't know what to expect when she pulled up to the rendezvous location that Honoka had picked for her and the mystery person. It was a small restaurant on the South side of the district, moderate prices and not too crowded, the perfect kind of place for an actual date-date. Maki wasn't aware that that was what she had signed up for. It may have been a mistake to let Honoka arrange the whole thing, actually. The ginger had been texting Maki all week, trying to figure out plans and what worked for both parties, and Maki figured out far too late that she'd basically been set up on a blind date. Which was not part of the plan; The last thing she wanted was to try to balance a relationship on top of her bitter college life and her bitter apartment life. At that point in the night she still wasn't totally sure what to expect.

And then suddenly, any guesses she had had on what to expect, which she didn't have any of, were unceremoniously shattered when a slender, blue-haired woman in a light sweater and a gray jacket was escorted directly to her table. The girl sat down across from Maki, flattening her skirt out over her thighs, and Maki had to mentally reprimand herself for looking at this girl's thighs in the first place.

"Um, hello?" The girl said, a look of worry in her soft amber eyes, for what Maki just realized was the third time in a row. That would explain the worried expression.

"Ah, sorry. Uhh," Maki stuttered, strangely nervous. Why the hell would she be nervous? "Nishikino. Uh, Maki, that is."

"Sonoda Umi. It's nice to meet you, Miss Nishikino," the blue-haired girl bowed slightly as she spoke. Maki was in awe at how beautiful and polite this girl was, like she stepped out of a Yamato-e mural. Her long hair spilled down over her shoulders like ocean waves crashing onto the beach. Her eyes were bright and alert, and just a tad nervous. And suddenly they're worried again. She was trying to get Maki's attention. Again.

"Ah, sorry, what?" Maki asks, blushing at the fact that she had been caught openly and unabashedly staring for a second time in a span of about 5 minutes. Umi pointed to the waitress in reply, and Maki looked up to see a baby-faced girl standing in front of their table with a notepad, an apron, and a grouchy look on her face

"I said what would you like to drink?"

"Ah, a coffee is fine, please," Maki said. The waitress sighed as she turned around and powerwalked to the kitchen. The redhead mentally berated herself again for spacing out. "Sorry, I'm not usually like this, I just-"

"Nervous?" Umi suggested, her deep voice soft and understanding, like a pile of pillows. _Dark blue pillows with strong thighs and a lean figure and-_ "Truth be told, I'm nervous too. I don't usually do this sort of thing, going on dates and such, but Honoka insisted."

 _Oh shit_ , Maki remembered, _the plan_. She had gotten so caught up in the date that she nearly forgot that this wasn't supposed to be a date at all, that she was here for one reason and that was to ask this stunningly attractive girl to pretend to have sex with her to piss off her flatmates. She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut immediately. She couldn't just ask her something like that, this girl was far too pure. She was so serene and soft-spoken, and probably the patron goddess of mousy virgins, and Maki concluded that she couldn't spring something like that on her. She also concluded at that moment that she'd like to actually have sex with her in a very not-pretend fashion, but that sort of proposition would also be way too sudden, not to mention wildly inappropriate. So instead of asking either of those things, she decided to have a conversation like a regular fucking person instead, and not the ultra-neurotic lesbian she was. 

* * *

The meal was delicious, and Maki had insisted on picking up the tab. The cool evening air hit them as they exited the restaurant, and Maki suddenly regretted wearing a cardigan instead of a jacket.

"How did you get here by the way?" Maki asked, turning to face the blue-haired girl and only just now noticing, as she had to look down at her to make eye contact, that she was a good few inches shorter than the redhead.

"I took the train in, actually. I live pretty far North," Umi replied, glancing nervously at her boots.

"How far North? I could drive you home if you want," Maki blurted out before she registered what she was saying.

"Oh, no, it's way too far, you shouldn't," Umi said, waving her hand as if to shoo away the suggestion. "Don't worry about it, I can catch the next train."

Maki would've let it slide normally, but she saw the girl shiver slightly as she spoke and decided that whether or not she was giving up on her dumb plan, she wasn't about to let this girl wait at the station in the cold by herself. "Nah, I'm driving you home, sorry," she said, gently grabbing the blue-haired girl's hand and leading her to the parking lot where her car was waiting. And also trying to pretend that she didn't just want to hold hands with her.

"So, how far North?" Maki asked again as they both sat down and fastened their seatbelts.

"Itabashi City. I know, that's way too far I don't expect you to-"

"Jeez, are you kidding me? I thought you were gonna say you lived in Saitama or something. Itabashi is super close," Maki said, starting the car and turning the hot air up just a bit. They sat in a bit of an awkward silence for the first few minutes before Maki felt a small wave of driving anxiety kick in and decided to speak up to ease her nerves. "So what do you? I mean, do you go to school, or…?"

"I help my parents run their dojo actually,"

"A dojo, huh? What kind?"

"Well, my father mainly teaches Aikido and Judo. My mother teaches Kyudo,"

"Huh. Neat," Maki mumbled. She wasn't 100% sure what any of those were, but figured it would sound like a dumb hipster if she asked, which she was, but regardless, she refused to let the conversation fizzle out there. "So how do you know Honoka, anyway?"

"Ah, I went to highschool with her. She used to live in Itabashi as well before she moved to the campus. We've been friends for a long time."

"How'd she wrangle you into this? The blind date thing, I mean," Maki asked, glancing at her briefly and noticing a slight furrow to her brow and a light blush on her cheeks. _Her soft-looking cheeks with those beautiful high cheekbones and-_

"Well, when she told me she was setting me up with a friend from University, I had initially intended to say no, but…"

"But she did the puppy eyes?"

"Yes," Umi admitted a little too loudly. Maki chuckled in response as Umi continued, "She's impossible to say no to, right? Ah, also take the next exit here."

A few more minutes of driving and Umi very carefully giving directions like she was Japan's politest GPS, and they pulled up to a traditionally-styled house that Maki expected to be smaller. She was about to speak up again but Umi beat her to it.

"Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun," the blue-haired girl said with a bow. "Shall we do this again sometime?"

"Absolutely," Maki said a bit too enthusiastically, and then mentally scolded herself yet again. "I mean, ahem, yes." She corrected herself, earning a giggle from Umi, which was probably the most heavenly sound she had ever heard. She stopped herself from thinking about some other heavenly sounds Umi could probably make, because she was a little tired of how often she's had to admonish her own dumb perverted mind tonight. Before she's even done telling herself, _no, bad Maki, don't think that gay shit_ , she feels Umi gently grab her shoulder and pull her forward a bit and suddenly Umi's soft lips are pressed gently against hers. Two seconds later and the sensation is gone, Umi is handing her a small folded up piece of paper and shuffling hastily out of the passenger's side door.

"Thank you again, goodnight!" the blue-haired girl managed to say before she stumbled up the steps and disappeared into the house.

"Yeah, goodnight to you too," Maki mumbled to herself several minutes after Umi had left, staring at the cell phone number scribbled on the tiny paper in her hand. 

* * *

"How'd your plan go?" Honoka greeted her, first thing the next morning as soon as Maki sat down in Chem class. This was the exact opposite way of how she wanted to start her day.

"Shut up, you know how it went," Maki grumbled into her coffee, sinking down in her seat. "You totally tricked me."

"You're the one who asked to set you up with somebody, so I did."

"But I couldn't ask her to-"

"Ask her to what?"

Maki squinted and whispered, "I couldn't ask her to pretend to have sex with me. She's too polite, it would have been weird."

"But you don't wish you _hadn't_ gone on a date with her, right?"

"...Why do you hate me?" 

* * *

"Umi, are you okay? You've seemed sort of jumpy all day," Maki pointed out as they were getting into her car, having just wrapped up a movie date. They'd been hanging out occasionally for the past few weeks. A few days ago they had gone to a cute cafe in Shibuya, last week was an art gallery in Ikebukuro. They had kissed quite a bit more since their first night out, gotten more comfortable with closeness and each other in general, but tonight Umi was acting a bit more skittish than usual, which was definitely saying something.

"I'm just nervous," Umi mutters, looking up from her lap and giving Maki a shy look that she couldn't fully figure out. "I mean, I just, " she took a deep breath. "I like you a lot, Maki, and I…"

After a few seconds of silence, Maki started to understand what Umi meant. The pure, beautiful maiden sitting next to her was desperately pushing her to make the first move, Maki concluded. Because it was obvious that Umi had no idea how to make any moves, first or otherwise. So Maki swallowed back her nervousness and softly grabbed the bluenette's cheeks, pulling her face closer and meeting her lips halfway. It was slow, cautious, and testing at first until Maki ran her tongue across the other girl's bottom lip, eliciting a soft whimper and causing Umi to tangle her hand up in the redhead's mane with one hand and grip the passenger seat with her other, nails biting into the leather cushion. Maki nipped at Umi's bottom lip gently, but the sudden sensation caused her to squeak rather loudly. She pulled back, embarrassed, hand still clamped down on the seat and legs crossing nervously.

"I like you a lot too, Umi," Maki said, sitting back up straight in her seat, buckling up the belt, and starting her car. "Would you want to, uh, stay at my apartment tonight possibly?"

Umi nodded quickly in response, eyes glancing out the passenger window, a bright blush on her face. Maki stopped herself from doing a celebratory fistpump, and instead drove them back to her apartment as calmly as possibly. 

* * *

"I knew you lived in District 2, but I wasn't aware your apartment was on top of a gay club," Umi said, stepping out of the car after they had pulled up, a look of awe on her face.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Maki mumbled fumbling with her keys as they walked up the 3 flights of stairs in the back of the building, trying to find the door key before they reached the top of the stairs. She nearly jumped out of her skin when, as she was trying to unlock the door, Umi pressed herself against the redhead's back, running her hands- her strong, beautiful, calloused hands- timidly, curiously along Maki's hipbones. The redhead gasped as she pushed the door open, causing them both to almost fall over.

Maki barely had time to kick her sneakers off before Umi had her arms around her again, her amber eyes glittering in the dim light of the apartment, nonverbally pleading for the redhead to kiss her again. Maki obliges her, meeting her lips roughly, and sliding her hands down to squeeze Umi's butt, which was exactly as fantastic as she had hoped it would be. She started trailing kisses down the bluenette's jaw and down to her neck, biting down gently and earning a few soft whimpers from her that echoed out in the otherwise empty apartment.

"M-Maki, can we…" she whispered into the taller girl's neck. Maki pulled away from her and grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together as she lead the way to her room. As they walked the short distance across the living room and down the hallway, Maki barely noticed that the apartment was empty save for the two of them, but at the current moment her petty revenge plan was the last thing on her mind. Maki lead her through the door and closed it behind her, turning the lock to keep out any nosy flatmates that might potentially return home. 

* * *

Maki woke up feeling more refreshed and well-rested than she had in a very long time and wasn't sure why. She also felt considerably more sore than she can recall ever waking up. In the midst of trying to deduce the night's events, she felt a pair of arms that she didn't realize were there initially tighten around her waist, and soft breath tickle against the back of her neck.

It finally dawned on her that "what she did last night" mostly consisted of Umi. She'd had a lot of very gentle and intimate sex with the veritable Queen of Virgins. _Former Queen of Virgins_ , she corrected.

Maki almost felt a little guilty. Granted, she had really wanted to have sex with the blue-haired girl for a while now, but she still felt bad. Memories of their escapades flooded back into her mind all at once; she remembered the soft gasps and moans of Maki's name that she had coaxed from the girl, the rise and fall of her small chest as she panted underneath the redhead, the way her voice was laced with need when she whimper "go faster, please," with beads of sweat dripping down her body and her midnight blue bangs sticking messily to her forehead. Suddenly, Maki didn't feel bad anymore.

Umi started to stir behind her, sighing and snuggling closer to the redhead, pressing her bare chest against Maki's back. Maki barely held back a shaky sigh at the sensation. Carefully, she shuffled around so she was facing Umi, whose arms were still wrapped tightly around Maki's waist. The redhead chuckled when Umi nuzzled her face into Maki's neck.

"Umi," Maki whispered, combing her hands through blue tresses and trying to suppress the stupid grin that she felt was coming. Umi groaned in response, still asleep. "Umi, babe, wake up."

Umi grumbled again, this time releasing her hold on Maki's waist and stretching her arms up over her head and letting out a yawn, before lazily rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. _God, she's so cute how is she even real?_

"Good morning, Umi," Maki whispered again.

"Good morning," Umi replied sleepily, gazing up at the redhead for a moment before her entire face turned red as she presumably realized the predicament they were in, and she scrambled to pull the comforter over her head.

"Did you sleep well? When do you want me to drive you home?" Maki asked, smirking. She was met with only an embarrassed whimper in reply, and wrapped the pile of blankets up in a hug. 

* * *

Maki trudged back into her apartment a few hours later, having just gotten back from dropping Umi off and then immediately getting stuck in traffic on the Central Circular Expressway for an hour. By the time she got back, Eli's car was back in the parking lot and she could hear her gay idiot flatmates talking in the kitchen; About gay idiot stuff, she presumed. She flopped onto the couch facedown and let out a loud sigh.

"What'sa matter, Maki?" Nozomi called out from the kitchen. Maki flipped her the middle finger in response, pissed at them for not being here last night to suffer her revenge plan. But she figured she'd have plenty more opportunities to have Umi back over on a different day to have more loud sex and annoy those two like they annoy her. 

* * *

Ckik here. This idea came to me at 3am yesterday and I wrote it despite the pile of completed outlines I still have to start drafting. I hope you gays enjoyed my weird sense of humor while I take a break from writing in second person present tense. Corrections will be welcomed with open arms because none of my useless friends wanted to proofread this.

To clarify, Shinjuku's 2nd District is Tokyo Metropolitan Area's famous LGBTQ Neighborhood. The Gayborhood, if you will. World's highest concentration of gay bars. I had Google Maps open *A LOT* while I wrote this.

I've marked it as complete but I might write an omake or two at some point.

Let me know in the comments what y'all would like to read from me next so I can keep procrastinating on my stupid 23-chapter RinMaki Softball Club AU.


End file.
